The title may sound very pessimistic, but it’s actually not. I am sharing my frustration so that others do not feel so alone, assuming I am not the only one who feels this way. Taking one step forward in adjusting to ADD requires a lot of little steps to get there; admitting you have a problem, learning about it, finding coping skills, and putting them into practice. Every time you face a challenge where you think, “oh shit, that’s actually my add” it’s like starting from scratch; understanding how your mind works, how to put it to your advantage, and finding a fix. Hopefully, berating yourself for having this annoying disorder is not on this list, but for me it is.
It has been six months since I was put on ADD meds, and three months since I actually not only accepted that I have it, but realized that it is a really complex, difficult thing to deal with. You have to maintain a balance of blaming your whole life on it and not being diagnosed, with taking responsibility for the things that you can control. That’s a tough one. ADHD seems to make your mind behave in the most disorganized, unproductive way. It’s hard for someone who doesn’t have it to be able to comprehend it.
I recently bought the book “You’re Life Can Be Better.” I downloaded it to my computer. It was the best $1.99 I have ever spent! The man who wrote it has his own Blog which you have probably already stumbled upon because it’s a great resource. He is a psychiatrist who got diagnosed with ADHD at 61! If that doesn’t show you how complex and difficult to diagnose this disease is, I don’t know what will. His book is small and is an aid rather than a book to read. I implemented his colored card system and felt like I was really getting on track. I combined it with tips from another book, and I was making real strides.
The truth is, until you really get your ADD under control, life happens, and you get thrown off the wagon.Not huge things, just normal things, like a family visit. I think this is for several reasons. I, for example, was finally feeling like I was on the right path at least. My disorganization thwarts me. I truly hate it. I think that if a fairy could come in, develop a system for me, find a place for everything to go, then I would be able to keep up with it. I doubt that though, but I’d still wish for it. Never the less, I was on progressing. Then my brother came to visit from out of town. Same thing always happens when company comes – procrastinate – things get worse – feel worse about myself – and end up straightening up frenteically in the last minute. This time, I wore myself out, so my fibromyalgia started acting up, thwarting me further. And what invaraibly happens is things that I’ve sorted and laid out to be organized and put away end up getting shoved in closets and draws in the last minute. I will need to start from scratch when he leaves.
Keeping up with my strategies was not only impossible, but I totally back slided to square one. Suddenly i couldn’t find my keys again, my bills are late, total chaos returned. And while he was here, I was focused on him, so now, his visit is over and I sit her feeling like shit, thinking of piles of clean unfolded laundry, bills that need to be paid TODAY, and plants that I bought that are dying outside cause I haven’t planted them. And yet, I remain frozen on the couch. I look at the picture at the top of this post and it gives me hope. Sometimes that’s all we can ask for.
So after I post this, I am going to force myself to get out my cards, prioritize, and try to accomplish something! It is an uphill, frustrating battle. Should I plant the dying plants while there is still sun, or will I get so distracted that I don’t come in till after dark. Probably should pay the bills, but where the hell are they? And the dogs need walk, and I haven’t brushed my teeth yet or eaten for that matter!
How do you cope when things get added to your life and you can’t handle just regular day to day living? Do you have any strategies that work for you? I’d love to hear. Please comment and follow my blog!