When I was young, I was filled with shame. First, because that’s just how the unenlightened masses parented, and taught. Later, because I “owned” that shame. I knew I was different. I don’t know if my ADD was apparent then, but I felt something odd inside of me for many years. I remember consciously thinking in Jr. High, that I was going to embrace and take pride in being “crazy”. People thought it was funny, and it became part of my identity and my sense of humor developed around it. I don’t like it so much when people say I am crazy now, but i guess I got what I wanted.
When I finally accepted this somewhat embarassing, diagnosis, lots of things started making sense, about how I behaved and why. This is a slippery slope because I didn’t want to use the illness as a crutch or an excuse, and i certainly didn’t want it to define me. I rarely even share with anyone that I have it, unless I truly trust them, That’s a hard thing about ADHD, it is somehow linked with shame, for me anyway.
Continue reading “Pockets are the True Enemy!”
Who exactly am I now? I am italian from New York – so there are certain stereotypes that I definitely fall into; I talk animatedly, loudly, with hands flailing, I am honest and speak frankly, not out of impulsivety, but ingrained candor. Something odd has happened in recent years. I’ve gotten louder, and faster, apparently, according to others. I personally thought the opposite to be true. Perhaps it is a cultural thing. I moved to Florida three years ago, and my NY mannerisms and ways might seem abrasive and intense for gentile southerners. Or is it a worsening of my ADD? I have no clue. My mind is becoming a complicated maze I can no longer figure out. Continue reading “Where does my ADD end and I begin?”
The title may sound very pessimistic, but it’s actually not. I am sharing my frustration so that others do not feel so alone, assuming I am not the only one who feels this way. Taking one step forward in adjusting to ADD requires a lot of little steps to get there; admitting you have a problem, learning about it, finding coping skills, and putting them into practice. Every time you face a challenge where you think, “oh shit, that’s actually my add” it’s like starting from scratch; understanding how your mind works, how to put it to your advantage, and finding a fix. Hopefully, berating yourself for having this annoying disorder is not on this list, but for me it is. Continue reading “One Step Forward – A Mile Back”